


Table 3

by ShinyHappyGoth



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Background Aziraphale/Crowley, Crack, Dialogue-Only, Ficlet, Gen, I Guess It's Technically Canon Compliant, I Mean You Can't Prove It Didn't Happen, POV Outsider, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 01:42:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20283319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinyHappyGoth/pseuds/ShinyHappyGoth
Summary: A new waiter at a café with an excellent dessert selection serves a rather odd couple.





	Table 3

**Author's Note:**

> In the show, we only ever see Aziraphale finishing up his food while Crowley sits there with a cup of coffee/tea in front of him. The fandom has largely taken this to mean that Crowley doesn't enjoy eating, or at least not as much as Aziraphale, although this certainly isn't the case in the book. A friend of mine has proposed an alternative explanation.
> 
> Britpicking and name suggestions by trace_of_scarlet. (For those like me who don't know a lot of Polish names, Maciej is pronounced "ma-check".)

"Oi, Steb, those blokes at Table 3..."

"Relax, Maciej. They're in here every few weeks. I freaked out, too, my first time serving them, but they're all right."

"What? I'm not _freaking out_."

"Give it time."

"No, they seem nice enough and all, but... they just ordered the entire dessert menu! _Each_."

"Yeah, they'll do that. You gonna need an extra pair of hands?"

"I might, thanks. You mean this is _normal_?"

"Eh, normal's a tricky word with those two. You get used to 'em."

"If you say so."

"I mean, they're obviously not _human_, but..."

"You wot?"

"Yeah, this is nothing, you wait 'til you see what they _do_ with it all. Not the one with the bow tie, I mean, he's just a savourer. The one with the shades."

"He doesn't even look like he _eats_. Must have a hell of a metabolism."

"You're right there. Right, that's everything. Come on."

* * *

"Here you are, sirs."

"Ah, thank you, my dear fellow! And you, Esteban, lovely to see you. It all looks delectable as always."

"Yeah, ta."

* * *

"Okay, they've got their food, now what's..."

"Sssh. Watch. Just don't let 'em see you staring."

"Why, what's he going to... _Christ!_"

"Told you."

"He... he... he..."

"Breathe, Maciej."

"But his _jaw_...!"

"You're staring. Don't stare."

"But he's just... _swallowing_..."

"Impressive, innit? Like a snake. We should get David Attenborough in to narrate."

"_How?!_"

"Dunno. Not human, like I said. He'll finish his off, then spend the rest of the time nursing a coffee and watching the other one. Pretty sure _he's_ looking forward to dessert, if you know what I mean."

"And you're just... _used_ to this?!"

"You can get used to _anyone_ who tips like that."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Table 3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22887517) by [ShinyHappyGoth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinyHappyGoth/pseuds/ShinyHappyGoth)


End file.
